Episode 166
<-- Previous Episode | [[Episode 167|Next Episode -->]] Length:2:05:32 Hosts: Alex Kate Matt Guest: Jessie Saenz Intro: None Closing Song: ? ---- Content Covered: *Losing virginity, first time kissing girls *Adventure Time *Questions *1st kiss? *Story behind the first kiss? *First boob? *First of yahoo questions Answers Does spider have pus pus? why is houses in Egypt triangles? Favorite sidequest? Notable Facts: Funny Stories and Quotes Alex *I'm in space eating hotdogs. *Ed Hentertai *That story's boring. **Kate - So are you. *First kiss? **Matt - I had my first kiss at 19. **Jessie - I earned it by playing sports. **Matt - You kissed your coach. *The story behind your first kiss? **Matt - I didn't like it, I was with Christina. **Kate - I was 14. **Matt - And then he kissed me. **Kate- I kissed in Kindergarten it didn't count. *I hanged out with a girl, I didn't speak to her for a month. Anyway moving onto boobs. **Matt - So first grade. **Alex - I was in the 5th grade. It wasn't hot put your dick away. **Matt - I never put my dick away. It's a husk like Kate's. **Alex - Anyway in class there was 4 desks grouped together. There was a boy that was a complete asshole, but his legs got ran over so its fine. He went sledding down a hill you're not supposed to go down. Bumped into a church then went to the street and got his legs runned over. **Kate - That's funny. **Alex - The bitchy girl. **Matt - Turned out to be Mela. **Alex - Never heard from her again. **Matt - What anime bullshit is this? **Alex - She gave me a potion. **Matt - Then I fucked my own sister. *I saw Mikela's scar and I also saw her boobs. 5th grade no tits, but that was the tits. *I hope I'm not the only one that saw boobs. **Kate - Trust me you're not. **Alex - You weren't your first boobs were you? **Kate - I was not my own first boobs. Uhnm. Babysitter when I was 10. Looked from the top. **Matt - Sweet. **Kate - They were like watermelons dangling there. **Matt - Don't stop. **Kate - It was weird. They had no substance to them like water with sacs. *Kori's barely black. **Matt - Kori's faking it. **Alex - I found a woman online who is scary close to Kori completely naked, so I'm going to take that as me seeing Kori completely naked. **Matt - On purpose? **Alex - I've searched for months. I've been searching before I met her. **Matt - I think we all been there. **Alex - Searching for someone who looks like someone? **Matt - In porn? **Alex - Oh yeah! Not with Kori no thanks. *In retrospect I'm the biggest idiot retard. There was this girl. She was super hot. She never seen a uncircumsized penis and she had to see my penis. **Kate - Was it lying around? **Matt - I have a whole drawer of them. **Alex - She had to see my dick so my first instinct.. **Matt - Was to ejaculate on her. **Alex - First instinct to show a hot girl my penis was NO! We have to have a fair trade. It went on for the entire night. When she showed her boobs, at that point I was like I wasn't expecting that, show me your vagina! I wasn't ready to pull my penis out and it wasn't ready to workout. **Kate - Some reason you are shy about your penis? **Matt - It's uncircumsized and looks like a gremlin? **Alex - Looks like the Chicago skyline. It's an anomaly. **Matt - Oh no! He fucked Doogie Houser. *Even before that, 6th grade. Me and 3 girls. **Jessie - Just right? **Alex - Like sticking my dick in porridge. *The only thing Matt remembers is pain. *Why is there no nutrition facts on alcohol? *It's not an animu, it's an animorph. *The teach put HIV + blood in all the kids milks. It's not a David Rhinehart fucked up. *I forgot about 5th grade. Steve, Josh and you guys, are my true guy friends. **Kate ...Oh... thanks... *Jessie I have a racist question for you. I get called Port, Spain, Dominican, they hate being called what they're not, but why every person gets confused and why do they play the 1 loudest song on loop on all the time? **Jessie - A dude screaming ay-yaya-yay-ye!? **Alex - Spanish music can penetrate every surface. There needs to be a scientific study. I can play a Spanish song in the vacuum of space and it will vibrate the planets to dust. *Do you have trouble remembering something that is the most generic? *The older Billy Joel gets (Meant Billy Armstrong) **Kate - Yes **Matt - Maybe I'm faggot America. *I got to 3rd base with Yellowcard. **Kate - They're sluts, they always had a song in Burnout. **Matt - Because they fucked the cars. *When you take a lot of poop you get boots. Kate *166, like we did 150 and 16 more. *I attack her face and put my mouth on it. This is the same poor girl I draped my balls on her shoulder. *Having sex with other people I know how to do that. *There is a built in podcast for memes and its all Jayson. *The girl from the previous story she would let me play with her tits but would not let me see them. She blindfolded me a lot so it was a little while until I saw her naked corpse I mean body. **Matt - She switched off with her twin brother. **Kate - She blindfolded and tied me up and left me in the forest. *Lesbian nipple pierce. **Alex - My story is the complete opposite. **Matt - You got your dick pierced? **Alex - No I got her dick pierced. *Fuck off I don't sound like a hamster. You fucking racist cunt. *Beiber is a faggot. Fall Out Boy is still a faggot. *Blink 182 I'm feeling this takes me back to high school and makes me feel shitty. **Alex - How? That song was when I was in high school? **Kate (over sensitive) Why are you making fun of me fuckface? **Alex - I'm talking about being a little boy. **Kate - I don't remember when I was a boy. When I was really little my dad and I listened to Billy Ray Cyrus. **Alex - Fuck Kate, Kate sucks. **Jessie - Songs remind me of being a kid and hating it is Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock. **Matt - Roy Orbison makes me feel like a little boy. (everyone laughs in huh?) **Matt - I wanted to be sincere but it sounds really creepy. It was sad when he died when I was in his lap. **Kate - Your making me feel wet down in my pants. Your fucking Roy Orbison voice is the right frequency to tickle my prostate. **Alex - I think you shit yourself. **Matt - Oh no me too. **Alex - I feel like a shitty boy. So my Limp Bizkit story is the same class as the girl with the titty scars. **Matt - Chyeah! **Kate - Is titty scars a Poppa Roach song? **Alex - Now that's what I call music. **Matt - Kidz Bop is fucking horrifying. **Alex - A large black boy name Terry. **Kate - That's not his name. **Alex - He went through 3 classes and said Let's blow this up and blow up Limp Bizkit! *I thought you had a Chris Ott question fuckboi! Excuse me that irrelevant conversation that should precede my stupid shit. *(fave sidequest) FAAAAAG *I never had a girlfriend that didn't hate me later. *First yahoo question why is houses in Egypt triangles? Egypt is so deep in rape culture they have a monument of Pyramid Head. **Alex - I think it's a pyramid scheme. *Could the male g-spot be gay? **Alex -Why isn't it called the a-spot? **Matt - G-spot G is for gay. *Does anything inquotes happen with the SouthPark boys? *My balls feel like they are on fire question mark. *Where was the Kardashians when the world needed her in World War II? *Why do crocodiles walk so gayly? **Matt - It's because of Elton John. *Why are there spiders coming out of my vagina? *It's so Jesus, he knows where the tits are. Matt *I care but I have a bad memory. *I have a small gay boy. *If Mitch was here he would probably say something stupid because he's a big dummy. **Alex - That fuckface. It's good that he is dead. **Matt - For now. *Death Genie grants 1 wish. A death wish. *This one scene in Adventure Time it was kissing but fucking. Kate you know Lumpy Space Princess. **Kate - What? I'm Lumpy Space Princess? **Jessie - He's holding his dick and looking into his butthole the whole time. *First naked lady I saw was my grandma. I saw her naked when I opened the bathroom door. I saw her taking a shit. **Alex - For me it was helping my grandma. She was getting stuff in the attic. She was in her nightgown. I happened to get the worst possible angle on what you would fine attractive. **Matt -Do you close your eyes and still see it? **Alex- Yes, the best part she said Don't be looking up my nightgown. Whaaaa? **Matt- Oh god. You met eye to eye. **Alex - Eye to brown eye. *First boob I saw was in 8th grade spying on a neighbor. **Alex - It was definitely my mom. *When was your first kiss you homo? **Alex - I feel very weird now. **Jessie - It was your mom. **Alex - When I was in Kindergarten. We had little slips with your name. Only 4 kids could play with coloring books, 4 can play with blocks. **Matt - And make out. **Alex - Hold on. **Matt- So our Kindergarten teacher was a pedophile. **Alex - Me and this girl in class (Amanda), we figured that the Dollhouse only could have 2 people. We also figured out the Dollhouse was in the darkest spot in a corner, and every single damn day we would totally make out in the corner every goddamn day. I was 6. **Matt- That's how 9 year olds get pregnant. **Alex - From there that girl asked me to go out with another girl. This was 1st grade. I was dating both of them. **Kate - How much going out could a 6 year old do? **Alex - Basically hold hands and kiss at school. They would draw pics of both of them kissing me on each cheek but they were naked. **Kate- What? **Alex - Yeah **Kate - You're a little slut. **Alex - For the last 20 years I'm glad no one saw them. **Matt - So they're going on the landing page. **Kate - NO! **Alex - So second grade there was a new girl who I kinda wanted to see. One space recess outside that no one was at. I had 3 little girlfriends running around. Then 3rd grade hit and I didn't date until I was in 8th grade. This was getting weird. **Matt - Yeah I got to stop dating 1st graders in 8th grade. **Alex - It's all I know. Wow what a hussy slut when I was little. *Jessie when was your first boob time? **Jessie - It was with my best friend at the time. **Matt - Who was he? **Jessie - His name was Bruce. She developed early. Not only it was my first boobs, it was my first black boobs. **Alex - Did you do anything? Was it a boob for a ball? **Kate - Just a single testicle shoing out the shorts? **Jessie - Black boobs were very traumatizing at first. **Matt - The.. black .. skin? **Alex - Aww man, they overcooked the boob. *I wanted you to say the grandma in the nightgown was your grandfather. **Kate - Grandpa had a secret cunt. *If you could go back in time and kill any race, which race would it be? **Kate - It would be the race Mitch is. I thought he was a Jew. **Alex - Part German, Part Liar. *Why is Canada the worst country? **Kate - Tom Green. Fuck that little weiner. *Does spider have pus-pus? *Captain permission to leave the bridge and jerk off. Denied! *I turned my beard into a pipe cleaner. To clean Isis ass. *You have to do that voice forever. ** (Gay Vincent price) The only hobby you should be doing is me. I have a hobby horse. Ride me. **Kate - Holy Shit. Jessie *I do have a black girlfriend. **Matt - For now. *I don't have any Nintendo products. **Kate - You can't play Zelda you fuckaroo. You fucked that up. <-- Previous Episode | [[Episode 167|Next Episode -->]] Category:Episode Category:Alex Category:Kate Category:Matt Category:Jessie Category:Guest